I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Randomize
