I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
Randomize
