Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
Randomize
