dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
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