Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
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