When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize