my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
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