he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
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