I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
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