Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
you had me at cake vodka
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Randomize
