There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
Randomize
