He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
Randomize
