Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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