One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
17 year olds will be the death of me.
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
50% drunk capacity currently
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
Please don't give away my fajitas
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
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