She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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