Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
Randomize
