Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
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