Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
my being single is dangerous.
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
