Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Randomize
