You did that once after drunk driving from a photo shoot
That was very cool/italian of you
Which brings me to my next point, how come italians are so well adapted to drunk driving
I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
Can Purell be used as lube?
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
Randomize
