I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
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