I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
Tornado booty call.. dedication
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
Randomize
