when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
Randomize
