Fine. I'll sleep in my office
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
Randomize
