No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
Randomize
