garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
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