I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
She even gives head with a lisp.
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
Randomize