She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
No stitches, just platelets and will power
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
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