okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
Randomize
