i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
Randomize
