I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
Randomize