I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
I pour the whiskey from now on
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
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