You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
Randomize
