You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
Randomize
