I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
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