yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
Randomize
