am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
splinters make it hard to masturbate
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
Randomize
