So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
Randomize
