Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
Randomize
