I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
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