I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
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