I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize
