happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
