think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
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