i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
my nose is crying tears of wow.
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
Randomize
