AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
