dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
Randomize
