just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
Randomize
