Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
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