There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
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