I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
Randomize
