I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
you made out with another girl for some wings
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
