East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
now i know why i became what i already was.
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
