at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
I'm getting married
To pizza
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
Randomize
