Cold hands, warm shart.
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
Randomize
