clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
Walk of Shame. In a state park.
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
Randomize
