you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
