girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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