I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
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