I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
Randomize
