what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
Randomize
