When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
Randomize
