Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Randomize
