i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
